he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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