Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize