i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
