Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

Please get laid.

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(518): View more from New York

I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

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(972): View more from Texas

Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.

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(406): View more from Montana

well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.

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(541): View more from Oregon

You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.

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(646): View more from New York

Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

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(801): View more from Utah

Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock

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