do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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