Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
