He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
