I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
