my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
