sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
