then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
