I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
