Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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