it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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