I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
