Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
