I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize