I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
