I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
