I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
