I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
