my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
