Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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