If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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