And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
