Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
