If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
