Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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