just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
