I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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