i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
