I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
