I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
