how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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