STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
