i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
