I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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