I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to calm my uterus...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
