sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sober January is a disaster.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
