i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
