He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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