I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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