she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
