He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
