I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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