I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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