my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
