Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dignity is for republicans.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize