My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
