So drunk its hurt
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
