Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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