Welp...herpes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
