ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
