I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
