You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
