I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize