i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
