my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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