considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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