I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
