It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm like, not good at living.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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