Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
