It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
