Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
