i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
