so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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