There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
