I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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