ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
